I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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