Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
