I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
