I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
