dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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