I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
