Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
