good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
