I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
