do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
