apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
