Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
