New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
