You made me cry and you don't even care
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
bring money and cleavage
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
