Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
