Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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