By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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