Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
