OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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