Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
