girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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