Whats the glycemic index on semen?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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