Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
