Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
