if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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