Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
