Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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