i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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