i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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