I cockslap morals
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
