I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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