She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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