when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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