The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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