Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
