official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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