just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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