Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize