I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize