dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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