The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
