Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Come on in and take your pants off
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
