five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
