dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
