so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
