the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
