I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize