I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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