oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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