Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
