I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize