I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
