I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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