can we get nightvision for the apartment?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
