Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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