when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come share oat with me in your robe
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
