I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
