I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
