wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
