I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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