i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
false alarm, still single
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize