a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
