I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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