it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
