Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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