what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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