Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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