so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So squirting runs in the family.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
