I heard we made out
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
