The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
