you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
