life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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