Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
